How a diaspora woman in Canada revives ancient Tamil marriage rituals and beliefs

Supanki examined ancient Tamil literature, particularly the works from the Sangam era, and gathered various aspects of wedding rituals. She discovered that Tamils have embraced diverse approaches to the wedding ceremony over time, including the self-respect movement that rejected traditional Hindu practices, as well as a version that emphasises reciting mantras in Tamil with a focus on Shaivism.

Supanki’s findings are unique, as she has developed a version that she believes aligns with the nature-oriented worship of our ancestors. Her exploration of indigenous Tamil weddings has been a journey that has enabled her to facilitate nearly ten ceremonies abroad to date. She reintroduces elements such as the Parai, conch shell, and a well to the wedding setting while simultaneously eschewing sacrificial fire and redefining the concept of ‘thali’.

Culturally rich wedding ceremonies

A government lawyer based in Canada, Supanki elaborates on her efforts to research and revive indigenous Tamil wedding traditions, which are deeply rooted in ancient Tamil literature and cultural practices. Drawing from sources like Tolkappiyam and Kuruntokai, her work integrates the worship of the ainthinai — the five geographical landscapes described in Sangam literature: kurinji (mountains), mullai (forest), paalai (desert), marudam (farmland), and neytal (coast) — ancestral reverence, and nature-based rituals centered around water and land. This provides insight into how she has amalgamated these elements to craft meaningful, culturally significant ceremonies for Tamil couples in the diaspora.

Supanki was inspired to express her views on language and culture (Tamil) following the birth of her son. “When I had my first child, I realised the need for something that was solely for me, an endeavour that maintained my connection to my own interests and identity beyond being a mother. My brother, sister-in-law, and husband motivated me, stating, ‘You radiate joy when talking about these topics. Why not share it with others?’” she said.

“This encouragement led to the creation of @WhatthePottu (a social media page), which explores Tamil religious and cultural practices, often relating to social inequalities and its effects on Tamil society today,” she added. What began as a platform to delve into and share the cultural traditions and narratives that she cherishes quickly evolved into a more profound journey, a means to discover and safeguard aspects of our heritage that she was still in the process of learning about.

The initial marriage ceremonies that Supanki conducted took place in 2022, occurring nearly simultaneously as two couples approached her within days of one another. In both cases, the grooms hailed from distinct cultural backgrounds — one being Guinean and the other Cuban. Neither couple had previously witnessed her officiating a ceremony, yet they placed their trust in her.

“Both couples wanted a wedding steeped in Tamil traditions, while also being inclusive and profoundly connected to nature. Bringing that to life was challenging. The response was beyond anything I expected; there were moments of standing ovations and applause. Guests told me it felt meaningful, refreshing, and truly reflective of the couples’ identities,” said Supanki, narrating the ceremonies associated with the first weddings that she had conducted.

Honouring ancient Tamil connection with Nature

When Supanki officiates an indigenous Tamil wedding, it is deeply rooted in the worship of nature and the honouring of ancestors, as these elements are fundamental to her traditions. She incorporates verses from the Thirukkural and other Tamil literature, not merely as poetry but as foundational principles for the couple’s shared life. “Equality is paramount — in all forms — thus I modify or eliminate any practices that may be discriminatory, ensuring that both partners engage equally in every aspect. It is also about grasping the comprehensive worldview held by our ancestors: how each ritual, object, and symbol within the ceremony is interconnected with nature, community, and the life cycle. I ensure that the couple and their families comprehend the significance of each component, making the experience not only visually stunning but also profoundly meaningful,” she said.

Rituals such as the pouring of water, prayers to natural forces, ancestral worship, and the oath on Thirukkural are the main ceremonies that Supanki has reintroduced. The pouring of water is an age-old Tamil ritual in which the couple pays homage to their local water sources by placing betel leaves into a pot that symbolises a well. This gesture acts as a mutual commitment to safeguard and conserve water for the welfare of their community and future generations.

Praying to natural forces is another ritual where the five landscapes are artistically depicted through visuals. The couple offers prayers to these ancestral forces, honouring the ancient Tamil connection with the land and nature. Ancestral worship is yet another significant event. In ancient Tamil belief, deceased ancestors were viewed as guardians who continued to watch over their families and villages. The couple now seeks their blessings while standing before their photographs. The oath on Thirukkural involves the couple placing their hands on the ancient Tamil text, pledging to navigate life as equal partners.

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Supanki holds several meetings prior to the wedding to gain a comprehensive understanding of the couple’s vision. For her, these meetings transcend mere planning sessions; they serve as a platform to convey insights about Tamil traditions, literature, and history. This is one of the motivations behind her decision to officiate weddings. “Personal experiences such as these frequently ignite an interest in ancestral heritage. Occasionally, the couple may not even be fluent in Tamil, yet through our discussions, they are introduced to literary works like the Tholkappiyam and Thirukkural in accessible and relatable manners. It is a wonderful journey of connection and exploration,” she said.

Introduction of the Parai

Saraniya Satgunam and Eon Chu-A-Kong, whose wedding was organised by Supanki in 2023 in Canada, are today the proud parents of two identical twin boys named Kannan and Keeran. “I come from a multi-faith background (Hindu and Catholic), as does my partner (Muslim-Christian-Hindu). Given that both of us were raised in environments with mixed faiths, it was essential to have a ceremony that represented our culture and transcended the boundaries of faith,” said Saraniya, who is employed in the public transportation department in Canada.

“As a Canadian-Tamil, my culture has influenced my upbringing, and we desired a ceremony that reflected that identity. The ceremony was wonderful, and our guests appreciated the change, as many had previously attended Hindu, Muslim and Christian weddings, making this wedding a unique experience for everyone involved,” added Saraniya. “I take pride in how our wedding ceremony was conducted and continue to cherish it. It embodies the way I lead my life and aligns with our intentions to raise our children in a multi-faith environment, helping them understand our diverse cultures,” she added.

The introduction of the Parai, an ancient percussion instrument of the Tamils, along with the conch shell and the creation of a replica well at the wedding venue, received an enthusiastic response. Historians claim that the Parai was originally utilised by the Tamils to alert a community to potential threats, such as wild animals approaching their village. Over time, it evolved into a musical instrument played at the royal courts of prominent Tamil kings during the Sangam period and was employed in various life events, including births and weddings. Tholkapiyam characterises the Parai as a vital instrument for all occasions.

“As political and caste dynamics shifted, the Parai became associated with inauspicious events, such as death. Those who traditionally played the Parai were also categorised as untouchables. This transformation primarily occurred after the Vijayanagara Empire took control of present-day Tamil Nadu in the 14th century AD. In my role conducting indigenous Tamil weddings, I encourage couples to include the Parai in their ceremonies. I recognise that parents may feel apprehensive due to the lingering association of the Parai with inauspicious events. I was delighted when Nirmalan and Ananthigai expressed their desire for a live performance of the Parai at their wedding that I organised in 2023,” Supanki said.

For Archanaa Lingan, being part of Supanki’s effort to arrange Tamil indigenous weddings has been a rewarding experience. “I appreciate that it provides couples with an opportunity to connect with their ancestry on their own terms, as we strive to respect the rituals while also allowing for their unique personal touches. For many, an inclusive ceremony like ours represents one of the few avenues to integrate their culture into their special day, making it profoundly significant,” said Archanaa, a lawyer residing in the US.

Till date, Archanaa has officiated two such weddings, one in Germany and another in the US, along with one in collaboration with a team member in Canada. How do ceremonies grounded in Tamil tradition contribute? “It has been thrilling to witness a growing openness towards our ancient customs in a contemporary context. I aspire for us to continue conducting these weddings globally,” she said.

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However, challenges persist. “The difficulty lies in the fact that the rituals, although they have been part of Tamil culture since its inception, are still relatively unfamiliar to many today or are generally not aligned with what they typically expect at a wedding ceremony,” said Archanaa. Furthermore, weddings hold tremendous cultural importance, leading people to have a strong emotional connection to the proceedings and the specific manner in which they are carried out. Therefore, it requires some explanation, and some individuals remain cautious about anything that deviates from the traditional norms,” she added.

Documenting history behind rituals

As a woman of the diaspora, Supanki understands the significance of tradition more than most. “For me, tradition holds profound relevance today, but only if we grasp its essence rather than merely adhering to it without thought,” she warned. “Our indigenous Tamil traditions are founded on principles such as harmony with nature, equality, community support, and reverence for knowledge. These values are eternal. However, if certain historical practices are discriminatory, we must confront that truth openly instead of idealising them. My mission involves uncovering the layers to expose the original wisdom, while also adapting it to the contemporary world,” said Supanki.

“When we concentrate on the fundamental values, tradition not only persists but also transforms in a manner that genuinely resonates with people today,” added Supanki, who is a lawyer with the Government of Canada, specialising in immigration, refugee, international criminal, human rights, and employment law. She has published articles on international criminal justice, including in the context of Sri Lanka and other global conflicts, and teaches immigration and refugee law as a part-time professor at the University of Ottawa. Her independent research focuses on reviving non-Vedic, Indigenous Tamil rituals and traditions, particularly around marriage and ancestral practices.

Supanki is happy that all the ceremonies that she has conducted so far have received a great response. She currently has two team members who also officiate weddings in various countries, including Germany, the US, Canada, and Norway. Obtaining parental approval, according to her, is the most significant challenge. “As this remains a relatively novel concept, this is the main barrier. I make it a priority to meet with families and clarify the importance of our work, demonstrating how it respects tradition while being inclusive and meaningful,” she said.

She has observed that being a woman in this field can initially complicate acceptance. “However, once we reach a point where parents are open to conversing with me, those discussions have consistently resulted in trust and support,” added Supanki, who recently visited Chennai to deliver her lecture on “New wedding format integrating Tamil indigenous practices” at the Roja Muthiah Research Library.

The feedback from diaspora communities has been moving. Many people told Supanki that attending or hearing about these ceremonies has been the first time they’ve seen Tamil traditions presented in a way that feels both authentic and inclusive. Guests often say it sparked a curiosity about their own heritage, especially for those who grew up far from it. “I’ve had people share that they were surprised to learn about the depth of symbolism, nature worship, and equality embedded in our indigenous Tamil practices; things they had never been told before. Some have even reached out afterward to say it inspired them to read the Thirukkural or explore their ancestral history more deeply. For me, that’s the most rewarding part: knowing that these moments can reconnect people to their roots in a meaningful way,” said Supanki, who plans to continue expanding her work so more people — particularly in the diaspora — can experience indigenous Tamil ceremonies in their truest form.