Shared spaces and custody, counselling — how Indian couples are learning to co-parent kids post divorce
The Bombay High Court recently allowed a divorced mother to travel to the same overseas destination where the child was vacationing with the father, but held that she must not intrude on their time together. As divorce cases rise, especially in urban India, separating couples are beginning to put aside personal acrimony to consider the welfare of their children. Structured co-parenting as a concept, however, still remains uneven in practice, say experts.
When Bengaluru-based artist Raghava KK's four children told him they wanted to live in the United States with his divorced wife, their mother, instead of in India with him, he threw them a party. "I was dying inside," he says. "But I wanted them to know I was okay with their decision."At the time of his divorce in 2018, Raghava’s children were of minor age. They still are. “I always...
When Bengaluru-based artist Raghava KK's four children told him they wanted to live in the United States with his divorced wife, their mother, instead of in India with him, he threw them a party. "I was dying inside," he says. "But I wanted them to know I was okay with their decision."
At the time of his divorce in 2018, Raghava’s children were of minor age. They still are. “I always tell other couples going through divorce that there is never a winning outcome here, even though one parent wins custody. It is always a loss for the parents.”
Meanwhile, children lose the everyday presence of both parents.
And so, couples today undergoing divorce now are trying to leave the acrimony of a broken relationship to come up with a family descriptor, which, while not ideal, still maintains a semblance of stability for the children — co-parenting.
Earlier this month, the Bombay High Court ruled that a mother cannot be forced to choose between her career and her child. The court stated that a parent's right to pursue better job opportunities abroad is a fundamental right that cannot be blocked by marital disputes. Furthermore, a father cannot use custody battles to deny a child's passport or restrict their travel, as long as the child's welfare is secure and visitation rights are managed through court-approved schedules. In a separate case last month, the same court also allowed a divorced mother to travel to the same overseas destination where her child was vacationing with the father, but held that she must not intrude on their time together. To prevent friction, the court explicitly ordered that the mother cannot fly on the same aircraft, stay at the same hotel, or share the same accommodation as the father and child during that specific holiday period.
"If the child is dealing with the fact that there is going to be a separation, making them watch another war [between parents in court] is very difficult on them. So, couples appreciate that some level of co-parenting is needed, and some genuine effort is being made by parents," observes Kanupriya Kejriwal, a Mumbai-based lawyer with 15 years of experience in handling divorce cases."
She adds: "Especially when both parents are working, the contribution of time each makes for the children is valued. Also, raising a child today is expensive. There are so many decisions to be made that an effort is generally made by couples to be amicable. Having said that, there is still a section of parents who may try to withold access to the children from their estranged partners, useing them as pawns in their divorce battle."
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According to an article on the website of Delhi-NCR-based firm Legal Crusader, India’s divorce rate stood at about one per cent in 2025. The number may seem minuscule, but the article adds that in “urban centres, particularly among the younger generation, divorce rates have seen a steady rise”, an increase of “30-40 per cent in the past decade” in metropolitan cities. “This increase reflects changing social attitudes, the growing role of women in the workforce, and a shift towards more individualistic approaches to marriage,” the article adds.
When the divorce proceedings drag on, the trauma continues, making it difficult for the children caught in the skirmish to lead a normal life. “If my parents were friends in spite of being divorced, I think I would have had a better childhood,” says Radhika Singh (name change on request), a 28-year-old digital artist based in Bengaluru, who recalls having to negotiate her parents’ acrimonious relationship, as well as learning to live with their respective new partners. “To deal with all of the trauma, I have been in therapy lately, which has helped me to a great extent, although I am scared of emotional commitment in any relationship.”
So what does successful co-parenting look like in practice? The celebs make it seem effortless. Photos of Hrithik Roshan and his ex-wife Suzanne with their sons and Aamir Khan’s extended family with two ex-wives and their children are regularly splashed across the media.
Even when parents move on, children do not always do so at the same pace. Photo: iStock
Among the lesser mortals, though, the problem, according to child psychologist Riddhi Doshi Patel, is that during divorce proceedings, it has always been observed that the stress is on parents coping with their own grief, disappointments, and legal challenges, often making it difficult to keep the child’s best interests in mind. Patel reiterates that divorce itself does not necessarily harm children. What affects them is the conflict surrounding it. When parents are locked in prolonged legal battles, children often experience anxiety, declining academic performance and behavioural changes. "The parents who have been their world are constantly fighting," she says.
When there is conflict, there is pain. Randhir Kapoor (name changed on request), an adolescent now based in the US, who has had to bear the brunt of a bitter divorce between his parents, found it hard to concentrate on his studies and day-to-day life. “When he first yelled at me for some trivial issue, I was taken aback,” says his mother, an IT professional; the divorce had taken place in India in 2018. “The anger was not matching the matter at hand.”
She waited for him to calm down before having a conversation with him. “After much talk, I realised that he was hoping my ex-husband and I would get back together. He felt cheated that we were not making any attempt to make the situation normal.” The mother says it was the first time she was compelled to take a deep look at the divorce from his perspective. “I now understand his rebellious behaviour, the anger, the anxiety and lack of focus.” She says her regret is not being able to see things from his perspective.
Highlighting how profoundly children experience separation, marriage counsellor Coach Suchetaa believes that some of the most common mistakes divorced or separated parents make unintentionally are fighting in front of the kids, talking ill of the other parent in front of the kids to influence their thoughts and trying to cut them off from the other parent. “Damaged relationships with either of the parents have a long-lasting impact on the children,” she cautions.
Which is why when Raghava and his now ex-wife decided to separate, they chose what is referred to as nesting (sometimes referred to as bird nesting), where his four young children continued to stay in one house while the parents rotated in and out. “There are just two things to do when going through a divorce,” he notes. “As co-parents, we have to make the child feel loved and safe. Plus, they should have some sense of stability and normalcy.” Even young children, according to him, can sense there is something going on without knowing what a divorce means. “Right at the start, I ensured that the kids know what was going on. I told them that Amma and Appa wanted different things in life and couldn’t be together. To give them some normalcy in day-to-day life, we decided to nest.”
There were financial and logistical considerations and many experts suggest nesting should be seen as a temporary solution for couples sharing custody of their children. When his kids had to decide if they wanted to live in the USA, Raghava requested counselling for the kids to help them understand the consequences of their decision. “I requested four months of counselling for the children to help them understand the pros and cons. Ultimately, a parent has to accept what their children want.”
The experience that Manasi Sharma (name changed on request), a 50-year-old scientist living in Mumbai who got divorced in 2003, went through was unlike Raghava's. She and her ex-husband spent years challenging each other in court until a mutual well-wisher urged them to seek counselling. "Therapy taught us to communicate respectfully," she says. "We're still not on the best of terms, but we're better parents because of it." Living in the same neighbourhood has also eased the transition, allowing their son to move between homes without disrupting school or friendships.
For Suchetaa, successful co-parenting begins long before custody schedules are drawn up. It requires parents to work through their own grief instead of expecting their children to carry the emotional burden. "Build a respectful relationship with your former partner because you will continue to share your child's milestones for years to come," she says. "Never make your child feel guilty for loving or spending time with the other parent. And be honest about your own struggles without turning your child into a confidant or weaponising your pain." That balance, she says, helps children feel secure enough to express their own fears and emotions.
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Even when parents move on, children do not always do so at the same pace. When Sharad G's wife told him she wanted a divorce in 2014, he says he never saw it coming. Both are IT professionals living in the United States, and to him, the marriage had seemed stable. "She then told me she had fallen in love with a colleague and wanted to leave," he recalls. Within two years, both had remarried. Their teenage son, however, struggled to adjust to life in a blended family. Sharad's new wife had a daughter from an earlier marriage, while his former wife's husband brought two children into the household. "Our son found it very difficult," he says.
The extent of that struggle became clear when Sharad received a call from the police. His son had been caught shoplifting at a store. "He got away with a fine," Sharad says. "But that was the moment I realised how much work lay ahead for us as parents."
While legal systems can determine residence and visitation, families are improvising through mediation, counselling and in some cases, shared parenting arrangements that try to preserve continuity for children navigating two homes. Photo: iStock
Raghava wanted to avoid reaching that point. Right at the beginning of the divorce proceedings, he had insisted on naming a child counsellor legally. "Parents will promise many things during a divorce," he says. "A counsellor keeps the focus on the children and asks whether every decision is truly in their best interest."
Mental health professionals say they are often called upon in contentious custody disputes, particularly when a child's well-being is at the centre of the case. "Some ugly matters do need it," Patel says. According to her, a mental health practitioner brings in an objective and science-based perspective which makes a difference in the way a case is looked at and the conflict is solved.
“Without such help, divorce proceedings can easily escalate without any resolution,” Raghava admits.
As divorce becomes increasingly visible in India, attention is moving beyond custody disputes and court rulings to a quieter but more complex question: what does a workable framework for co-parenting look like once a marriage ends? While legal systems can determine residence and visitation and courts are beginning to acknowledge the “best interest of the child” principle more explicitly, structured co-parenting remains uneven in practice. In its place, families are improvising through mediation, counselling, and in rare cases, shared parenting arrangements that try to preserve continuity for children navigating two homes.
“Ultimately, children are very resilient and should be able to rise up from it (divorce) as good and independent human beings,” Raghava says. “That is what we should aim for.”
